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Curiosity. It’s the secret sauce of great coaching and transformative conversations. But here’s the thing: curiosity alone isn’t enough. It’s like bringing a flashlight to a cave and stopping before you go in. You’ve got to step in and explore.
True curiosity requires diving deeper, uncovering what people really need and want. It’s about asking better questions while avoiding the costly assumptions that derail connection and clarity.
Let’s talk about two mindsets. Imagine you’re heading into a conversation. You can either think, “I already know,” or embrace the mindset of, “I don’t know.”
One Situation, Two Conversations
Column 1: “I Don’t Know”
Picture this: a salesperson walks into their manager’s office. The manager greets them with a curious smile and says, “What’s on your mind? Tell me more.”
This manager operates from an, “I don’t know” mindset. Not because they’re clueless, but because they’ve trained themselves to approach every conversation with curiosity and non-judgement.
Instead of assumptions, they ask open-ended questions:
- “What’s the challenge here?”
- “Walk me though what’s going on?”
- “How have you handled something like this before?”
- “What are your ideas regarding what the next step could look like?”
The conversation becomes a collaborative exploration. It’s about the salesperson’s journey, not the manager’s ego.
This approach creates a safe space for the salesperson to share, reflect, and even discover their own solutions. They leave the conversation empowered, with a sense of ownership and clarity.
Column 2: “I Already Know”
Now, let’s shift the mindset. Same scenario, but the manager walks in thinking, “I already know what they need.”
The manager cuts to the chase: “Here’s what you should do.”
- No questions.
- No discovery.
- Just solutions based on the manager’s experience and assumptions.
The salesperson nods along but leaves feeling unheard, unmotivated, and possibly overwhelmed. Instead of exploring possibilities, the conversation hits a dead end. The destination and agenda wasn’t theirs; it was the manager’s.
Assume or Assess?
Here’s the takeaway: your mindset shapes the outcome.
- When you assume you know, you lead the conversation based on your journey.
- When you assess by asking questions, you open the door to their possibilities.
The cost of assuming and believing your already know? Missed opportunities, strained relationships, mediocrity, frustration, and a toxic cycle of assumption-driven conversations.
The value of assessing? Trust, growth, innovation, development and meaningful results.
The Inner Game of Selling
| Mindset | I Don’t Know | I Already Know |
|---|---|---|
| Approach | Curiosity drives the conversation. | Assumptions dictate the conversation. |
| Communication | Open-ended questions that explore possibilities. | Leading questions that push an agenda. |
| Impact | Empowers others to think and act independently. | Limits growth by directing and controlling. |
| Trust | Builds trust through active listening and partnership. | Erodes trust by prioritizing control over collaboration. |
| Confidence | Boosts confidence by validating and valuing ideas. | Diminishes confidence by dismissing or overriding input. |
| Critical Thinking | Encourages self-reflection and problem-solving. | Stifles independent thinking by spoon-feeding solutions. |
| Growth Mindset | Cultivates openness to learning and improvement. | Reinforces a fixed mindset centered on authority. |
| Personal Development | Inspires ownership and accountability for growth. | Hinders personal growth by creating dependency. |
| Relationship | Strengthens rapport and mutual respect. | Strains relationships through imbalance and lack of empathy. |
The Stories We Tell
Let’s get practical. Imagine two conversations between a salesperson and their manager.
Scenario 1: The “I Already Know” Manager
Salesperson: “I’m struggling to close this deal. The client isn’t responding.”
Manager: “Here’s what you need to do. Send this email, follow up with a call, and offer a discount.”
Salesperson: “Okay…” (internally thinking, “That won’t work, but sure.”)
The manager’s directive mindset kills curiosity. The salesperson feels unheard and trust is eroded.
Scenario 2: The “I Don’t Know” Manager
Salesperson: “I’m struggling to close this deal. The client isn’t responding.”
Manager: “What’s going on with the client? What do you think is holding them back?”
Salesperson: “I think they’re unsure about the ROI.”
Manager: “How do you know that to be a fact? What assumptions might you be making? What exactly did they tell you?”
This conversation empowers the salesperson to think critically and come up with solutions. The manager becomes a partner, not a dictator.
The Lesson: Change Your Thinking, Change the Outcome
How you think is what you get.
Your beliefs shape the experience you create and the results you realize.
When you operate from a place of curiosity and openness, you build trust and drive meaningful conversations.
But if you let ego take the wheel, you sabotage the very outcomes you’re aiming for.
So, the next time you’re in a conversation, ask yourself: Am I assuming, or am I assessing?
Mindset will always beat out strategy every time, since our beliefs precede and drive our behavior, communication and ultimately, the experiences we continue to re-create.
Because in coaching and in life, curiosity isn’t just a tool. It’s the key to unlocking possibilities.
The post The Three Most Important Words in Selling and Coaching. Be Insatiably Curious first appeared on Keith Rosen.